I know that I haven’t been around for a long time. It has been very busy for me and a very sad moment in my life. Having to move, getting in a depression and having someone so close to yourself battling cancer. I’ve waited a long time to do this but I want to share my journey with you. I promise that I will start doing makeup and fashion blogs as soon as I can. Love you my sweeties xxx…..
18/04/2016 – Moving day
On this Monday we had to move out of the apartment because my machine that lifts me up was going to be installed in the new apartment. The movers came around 7 o’clock so I had to wake up around 6 o’clock. You guys don’t know yet but I’m not a morning person.
So we moved to a new apartment that has nothing. There was no lighting, no curtains, no furniture. We even didn’t have food in the house. I hear you saying: why didn’t you plan ahead. I did but if your living with someone who is stubborn nothing will happen the way you want it to go.
Just to make sure, we borrowed a simple couch from my sister-in-law for the people who came over. I know sitting on the ground has something, but don’t worry. They still had to sit on the ground. There was not that much of space on the couch.
??/05/2016 – Me getting sick
I think it was like 2 weeks after moving that I got sick. I didn’t listen to my mom and went out on a very, very, very cold day. When I came home, I was shivering. The day after I got sick. Which was not a surprise. I went to a GP and I got something for my nose. 3 days later I had a nosebleed that would not stop. I had to go to the emergency room. They had to close the wound. Apparently the spray for my nose had cortisone in it. Which is not good for you.
1 day later I go to MY GP and apparently I was in the beginning fase of a pneumonia (lung-infection). I had to start with antibiotics for 7 days. They medication was huge and I had to take them in 3 times a day. So 1 week passed by (the week that passed by was a week with lots of sun, I had to stay home) and got better.
23/05/2016 – My Prince arrives
I’ve contacted a British Shorthair breeder in the beginning of 2016 and we bought a kitten then, but he had to stay with his mother for the first 3 months of his life. He had to learn everything from his mommy.
On 23/05 çakir came to his new home. He was afraid in the beginning but we connected very fast. It was love at first sight. He was so small, you won’t believe it if you would see him now. Huge difference.
I always wanted a cat in my house. I see them as great companion, a friend in someones life. He brings so much joy to my life. He was there for me when I was panicking, when I was laughing, when I was not in a good mood. He was there for me. I know he can’t talk but he is a great listener.
Even though everything was normal in my life, I was not.
??/06/2016 – Starting to change, burn-out
Somewhere in the end of May, beginning of June I felt something was different. I was focusing more on my health than usual. I didn’t realize it until my GP said to me that I was coming more often to his practice. He asked if something was wrong. My answer was no. Like I said everything was OK, I had no problem with no one. I had everything that I needed, everything was normal.
Somehow I started to focus more on my health. Every small thing that I’ve noticed on my body I got scared. I thought it could be skin cancer or a other kind of cancer or disease. I was so certain that I had something very bad going on in my body even though it wasn’t, but I couldn’t think rational anymore. I’m the most rational person you can find, believe me. I became a person who was afraid/scared but didn’t know why.
After going to my GP for 3 times a week for 8 to 9 weeks straight my GP said that we had to find out what was going on with me. I had to go to a psychologist and start taking depression medication. I said OK to the therapy but no to the meds. I know that it was going to cut of my emotions off and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want to live like a robot. If you won’t believe me let me tell you this. Before I went to psychologist I went to the hospital to check everything out. I mean everything. Still I wasn’t convinced. I didn’t believe in doctor’s.
Beginning of september – going to the therapy
I started to go to the therapy in September. I went like 4/5 time’s. I stopped because I got in financial trouble. I did not say this but a way to cope with my problem I went shopping a lot. To the point I really got in financial trouble.
I think when I went for the 3th time to the therapy I told her that my brother, who is 30 years old, had leukemia for the second time. Like I said I’m the most rational person you can find. A lot of people around me criticized me for not showing my emotions. They thought and still think that I don’t feel sad for him. The thing is I do, but I gave it a place and I don’t think about it again. The doctor’s don’t give him a lot of time but I won’t believe it. So instead of crying or whatever I started to look for solutions. Things that could help him. This is my rational side.
But because of my financial problem I stopped going to therapy. I stopped in October. I’m going to go back to therapy cause I know I need it, I’m ok now. I do still struggle but everyone does. It’s not that overwhelming like in the beginning.
I just wanted to tell you guys. I know it may look very messy while you read it, but I’m writing this from the heart and no thinking about it. I’m just putting it out there, cause I think this is a way for me to get the bad energy out of my system. I hope I didn’t bored you with my story but if you’re still reading thank you so much. I’m going to try to do more blogpost on makeup and fashion. Like I said I did a lot of shopping. Mainly makeup shopping.
Love you very much my sweeties. Have a very merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I don’t celebrate Christmas but it is a happy time of the year. Love it.
PS: If you’re struggling with something in your life. Don’t keep it to yourself. Share it with your friends or family or even with me. I would love to listen to you and try to help were I can. Just know that you are not alone.